My face and Beirut

I looked at the mirror…The Cypriot sun has done a lot of damage to my face…

I need a facial…

But my facial specialist had left the country to the States, 6 months ago…The last word she told me was: “I can’t live in an unstable country…I have a family to take care of”…

But out of despair…I picked up the phone and dialed her number in Beirut…

It was my luckiest day…She answered…

Half an hour later I was at her doorstep…kisses and hugs…

And heaven’s doors were open to me…

She was a different person…She looked in love…You could see love in her eyes…in her walk…in her sound…

She was in love with Beirut again…

For six months I have been dreaming of every inch of Lebanon, she told me…

I was dreaming of the sea..

I was dreaming of the well dressed women and men going to a coffee shop…

I was dreaming of the city that never sleeps...

I was dreaming of the Lebanese full of energy and chaos...

My place is here…I adore this place…

Welcome back to Beirut, I told her…

After two hours, my face was shining again…

The Mysterious Conference

Bush called for a peace conference in Washington in November…and still we have no idea what for and for whom…

No one wants it…but still Condi keeps on traveling to the region pushing for that…

Now, it seems that Syria will be invited…and maybe Lebanon…

How happy we are!!!

I never understood why Lebanon was not invited in the first place…maybe because no one cares about us…maybe because we don’t care about ourselves…

But I read one analysis mentioning that Lebanon was not invited because it was taken for granted that if Syria doesn’t attend, Lebanon doesn’t attend as well…

What an analysis…So why did we kick Syria out if we are keeping the same policy of dependence when it comes to the peace process?

Hey!! We are over the era of “unity of path and destiny”…

Actually, Lebanon could be the most important factor in that mysterious conference.

Listen to this…

No one wants the conference…Olmert and Abbas declared very franckly not to expect anything of that conference… Livni announced proudly that none of the leaders in the Middle East can deliver any agreement at this turbulent and critical period…

The Saudis are sticking to their Peace Initiative…

Syria has declared today that Israel can forget about peace after its raid in Der Zor…

Forget about Jordan and Egypt…they don’t count anymore…

So, the only way to pretend that the conference was successful is for Israel to give back the Shebaa farms to the United Nations as a first step before it is given back to Lebanon.

Israel will be seen as peace lover country…
The Arabs will be seen as effective leaders…
Hezbollah will be cornered…which will make the US, Israel, and the Arabs very happy…

So you see?

The Shebaa farms are the key to a successful conference in November…

Lebanon once again as a battlefield will be doing its role perfectly…serving everybody’s interests

The right gift

Is it only a matter of time before Israel attacks Syria or Syria attacks Israel?

Since the 6th of September, when the Syrian regime announced the interception of Israeli warplanes inside Syria, and the whole community of strategic analysts (God knows what that means) is preoccupied by the Israel-Syria mystery.

Friday and Saturday the IAF was on alert…

We in Lebanon would be very pleased if for once (since 1973) the Syrians confront the Israelis on their soil and not ours…

And We in Lebanon would not be happy if Hezbollah interferes in the war between our beloved neighbors…

However, war or no war, we in Lebanon should be very active behind the scenes so that any compromise between Syria and Israel won’t be on our account.

The moment Syria is given the green light to restore its power and control in Lebanon AGAIN, there will be a war in Lebanon, there will be a resistance against the Syrians worse that what is happening in Iraq…there will be division in Lebanon worse than what is happening with the Palestinians…

So, Israel and the US would be better off to find another gift to Syria…Lebanon is not the right gift…anymore

When you lose a country

Another assassination in Beirut…shocked?

Not at all…very normal…

We were starting to get worried…We haven’t had an assassination since June…

That is too long…

What?? Were you expecting a post to show my sadness or my sorrow or my disappointment?

Not anymore…because I have finally accepted the fact that Lebanon is not a country anymore…

Lebanon is not a nation; it has never been and it will never be…

Yesterday when they were burying Antoine Ghanem…I was burying the Lebanese Republic…

My deepest condolences to the United Nations…They lost a member yesterday

Black comedy

I am back to Beirut…

Everything is still the same…the political situation in the country is still the same…we still can’t figure out how to elect a president…

But that is ok…we will never be a country…we will remain a buffer zone to our beloved neighbors, and we will always be a battlefield…

But at least let’s put a price for our services!!! We should make everybody pay a high price for us giving up on our country…

Peres is ready for talks with Syria…and Olmert is very happy with the Syrian regime…It seems that Bashar has been a good boy lately…
Well of course…The IAF attacked the Syrian soil and Bashar didn’t think that was a valid reason to reply…

So Sayyed Nassrallah…why don’t we reply?? That is not permissible!!! We can’t let the Zionist enemy attack an Arab country…and what country???!!! Our dearest sister of them all…

Yalla Hassan…Yalla… “Ma ba3da…ba3da..ba3da…Haifa”

The other story that I am eager to tell you is about the new image of Israel...

Well, here I am sitting in the hotel in Ayia Napa…watching the sky news…and guess what I stumble on?
A report about the Israeli government’s new strategy to promote Israel…

They are using beautiful girls, in swimwear, in uniform…and…and to promote the nice face of Israel…

Colette Avital is not happy with it…”what is the message that we are conveying to the world? They can have free sex in Israel?”…

Oh! No need to get upset Ms Avital…

We Lebanese will be eager to start talks with you Israelis…because now we have a common interest…How to divide the Middle East market between our girls and yours…

Ms Avital, we Lebanese are the number one providers of high class prostitutes in the Arab world!!! Do you want to negotiate now over that issue??!!!

Long live our girls!!! Peace be on them!!!

From Beirut to Larnaca: The red dress saga

Almost everybody in the Middle East knows that we lost a lot during the summer war 2006…When I say we lost I don’t mean that Israel won the war…All I am saying is that we lost…we lost our confidence in our own country…

Fear was the best tourist this summer in Beirut… To the point that many have cancelled their wedding ceremonies in Beirut and re-arranged everything in Cyprus;
Among them my sister-in-law…

So, all the family was set to travel to Larnaca to attend her wedding…and I was the bride’s maid…with my red long dress to carry with me all the way from Harriri International Airport to Larnaca International Airport…

We arrived at the airport…of course as all Lebanese we have a problem staying in cues waiting for the security check…and suddenly another chaotic group enters the hall…

Guess who? Of course our neighbors!!!! The Israelis…

And of course as the Lebanese they haven’t filled the immigration papers so…everyone annoyed by it…sitting in corners or standing up filling the small white piece of paper in the halls of Larnaca International Airport…

Where are you Sayyed Hassan to see this??... Of course your divine missions have left you without the possibility of enjoying such pleasures…

So, out of the airport into the taxi to the hotel…

Tuesday morning…the wedding day…

Hairdresser first, I enter…I go out…my hair is ready…Nothing like in Beirut…

3:30 pm make-up time, I enter…I go out…I am ready…Oh nothing to be compared with my make-up artist in Beirut…

I curse all the leaders of the Middle East…

I have 5 minutes to dress up…we enter the church…that is divine!!!

Wednesday…Ayia Napa here we come…

The city of no worries!!! I wonder what could have happened to Cyprus if a certain group decided one day that it wanted to unite the island by force, by the use of military means!!! Shame on the Cypriots!!! Where is your resistance movement?

The city full of life!!! You walk on the streets, you read announcements: “cruise to Lebanon, Israel and Egypt”…Lucky the one who could do the trip all the way from Cyprus to these three destinations!!!

Soon, my vacation will be over and back to Beirut…to worry about the presidential election!!! What a waste of energy!!!

Open Letter to President Bush

No one is excited about the “Bush Conference” in November.

Yes they don’t even call it the Peace Conference or even the Washington Conference (like the Madrid conference of 1992)…

The Bush conference…no one of the politicians wants it…

I have a suggestion…

Dear Mr President (Bush)

Many of us citizens of the Middle East are fed up with the unbearable, crazy, absurd, ridiculous, bizarre situation in our region…

Not only the situation, but moreover we can’t support our leaders’ appetite for war and inefficiency in coming up with creative solutions…

Therefore, Mr President I urge you to cancel all the invitations (to the politicians) to your private party and to write new invitations to us.

Us, Mr President are practical dreamers from every corner of the Middle East that are doing everything they can, and are using every mean available to create some kind of a peaceful environment…

We, the practical dreamers deserve it more to have a strong platform to meet and discuss all crazy alternatives to bring the Middle Eastern people together.

Mr President, we the practical dreamers are the winning card…Not the politicians that will join your party just for the food and drinks.

Think about it!

We are waiting for the invitations.

Laury Haytayan
(on behalf of the practical dreamers of the Middle East)

Another Divine Victory

Shaker Absi the leader of Fatah El-Islam is dead…
It took the Lebanese Army around 3 months to finish off with this terrorist faction…

Do you think it was a Divine Victory?

Why not, why shouldn’t God be supporting the Lebanese Army?
Doesn't God love everybody?

But for sure, this was the first victory of an Army against a terrorist group in the Middle East…

Well done to our limited in resource Army!!

Hard luck to Syria...Try again next time!!!