Diary of the wall: Week 1

Part of the wall

When I went up to the border between Lebanon and Israel, last Tuesday (May 1st), the bulldozers were removing the wired fences...

On Sunday afternoon, I had no plans...

I decided to go up again to the border...I wanted to see what had happened since my last visit...

2:30 pm...direction the borders...

3:30 pm...there I was standing in front of a wall...

Part of the wall was already there...in my face...

The UNIFIL "supervisors" were not happy to see me again...

They were communicating to I dont know who that there were two women walking along the wall...

The wall was there standing tall...in my face...

But even the wall was not sure what it was doing there...

Maybe 2 meters high...standing there...protected by the UNIFIL...

A wall that is built to protect is there to be protected by the International Community...

I would really want to know if the people on the other side of the wall feel now more secure...

When I showed the picture of the wall to my 8 year old son...he said to me: "It looks like the Berlin Wall"...

5:30 pm...back to Beirut...went to a restaurant...ordered food...people around me were talking about the great weather we had, the beach, the parties and concerts they want to attend in the coming weeks...

Can I blame them? of course not because that is the survival instinct...this is how they will continue living their lives...

Thinking about the wall will not help much...people need to find mechanisms to survive in this region...

Some party and some others build walls...but we are all trying to survive in the Middle East...

Diary of a wall: Tuesday May 1

I could not resist it...

Knowing that Israel was building a wall very close to where I was planning to by a land...where I had spent days and nights dreaming of camp David style peace resort...was not easy for me...

When I talked to others about it...they were not interested...

So what said some...others said:" I dont care I am not from the South"...

But I am not from the South either...but I care about my dreams and my future...

On Tuesday May 1st at 6 o'clock am, I was on the road...to the borders...

I arrived at 7:30 am, the road was not blocked, but the UNIFIL soldiers were spread along the small piece of land where the Israeli bulldozer was struggling to remove the wired fence to replace it with a concrete wall...

UNIFIL standby

 The Lebanese army was watching...and few meters away...the Israeli army was protecting its bulldozers...

Israeli army protecting its bulldozers

It was an ugly scene...

I was greeted with confused faces...asking me if I was a journalist...

They could not believe that I was not...

"Today is a day off, you should be home resting...what are you doing here so early?...you must be crazy", said one of the Lebanese soldiers with  a friendly smile on his face...

I looked at him...I said:" I have been told so many times that I am crazy, I should start  believing it"...

Then I turned and took the pictures...

One soldier asked me: "are you with or against the wall?"...

I said:"let them build it, then we can have something to destroy to mark the end of craziness"...

And I continued taking pictures...

Bulldozers at work till the wall is erected

At 10:30 am, I was back to Beirut...to my ordinary chores...as if nothing was happening in the country...

No one cared that Israel was building a wall on the border...

War and hatred have become so natural...that no one cares anymore... 

Day 1: Diary of a wall

Today is a sad day...at least for me...for various reasons...but all interconnected...

Today Israel started building its 1 km long concrete wall along its borders with Lebanon...

The reason...it wants to protect its residents in Metulla...

People will woke up soon to face the wall...to stare at the wall...and most importantly...

They will wake up everyday imagining the worst things ever that they think it is happening behind the walls...

They will tell them that behind the walls...people are getting ready to kill them...and they will believe...

Because they can not see what is happening behind that wall...

They will tell them...monsters live behind the walls...they will believe...

Because they can not see who is behind that wall...

They will tell them...you should live with the wall...it is your only hope for survival...they will believe...

Because they can not see what is behind the wall...

All of this reminded me of the movie Lemon Tree...

I remember, I sat in the cinema in Paris from 2 pm till 9 pm watching 3 movies back to back...

Lemon Tree, 7 days and Waltz with Bashir... I was alone...sitting, watching and thinking...

Thinking how will this hatred end? I never thought it wont end...

But I was curious to know how will it end...what will the day look like...when we in the Middle East look at each other and say...the war is over...

At that time I had no answer...

Today...I can say...when the walls are destroyed...

Walls protect no one... on the contrary they remind people to be scared...

People in Metulla could have sat every morning on the balcony drinking tea or coffee looking at the other side of the border and thinking...why those Lebanese don't build nice apartments or houses the way we do...why don't they cultivate their lands as we do? 

After few weeks...people in Metulla will wake up everyday in fear looking at the wall...thinking of the monsters behind the walls that are preparing the grand attack...they will drink their coffee in fear and anxiety...

The walls of fear are being constructed...while I am writing these words...

My heart is filled with sorrow...

The power of imagination

I always thought that when you love someone...that someone will know without you expressing your feeling...
I still believe in that...
but in case you need to know...yes I love you...
Is it possible to love someone just in you virtual world? of course it is...
You can still love someone even if you have not seen him for a long time...
You can talk to the one you love...even if he is not around...
You can travel with the one you love...even if he is not with you...
Imagination is a gift that those who have it should cherish it...
Imagination and passion are the best fusion to have a great virtual life...a storyline that only exist in your head where you can move your heroes from one country to another, from one situation to another...
This month, I had gone to 4 continents: I started at the beginning of the month in Cameroon, then back to Beirut via Paris, then to London then back to Beirut again then to Peru...
I have done 4 continents: Asia, Africa, Europe and Latin America and what did I discover?
I discovered that you can find friends everywhere...once you concentrate your efforts on common things not on what separates you from others...
I found common interest with people from Africa, I found common feelings with people from Europe and I definitely came to the conclusion that I dont know how to hate...
I sat down for breakfast with my colleague from Azerbaijan in Lima, Peru and we found the time to discuss about of kids future...
I could have taken a different path and found 10 reasons why I shouldnt been talking to this guy that my people think is the enemy...
But I sat there...and we talked about 10 things that we had in common...
It felt natural and good...because I only see through people...
It is a blessing to have that strength...if only people could have had that power to see beyond what is enforced on them...We could have had a different life...definitely better than this one...
I only wished you to be with me...
Lima is a wonderful city...
I love you... and miss you...

The wall and my dream house

I am in the Lobby of the Rotana Hotel in Erbil…

I am drinking my Corona beer waiting for my taxi that will drive me to the airport back to Beirut…

As for my colleagues who are staying for 3 more days…they will have the chance to celebrate the first anniversary of the Hotel…

6 years ago when I was in Erbil, we had to stay in a secured compound…with guards watching us 24/7

Times change…

Vision is what is needed to build a country…

I am drinking my beer and I am thinking of what my Iraqi colleague had told me the night before…

He was drunk…I was drunk…he opened his heart…I had my hands open for his heart…

He wanted to learn music…they didn’t allow it…

He wanted to play professional football…they didn’t allow it…

He wanted to study literature…they didn’t allow it…

But he was able to find joy in his life…

And my thoughts were leading me to places that I didn’t want to go…because I wanted to protect myself…

I was hooked on Corona and banana cake during my stay in Erbil…

Corona and red wine automatically ejected me from Erbil into your eyes…

It is the ability to dream and to project ourselves in places and situations that keeps us sane when we don’t have what we want…

The ability to cross borders virtually is a gift if you are able to do it, you will have a permanent smile on your face whatever happens to you…

I think my colleague and I have that ability that is why we bring joy to others…

All this inner-thinking has brought me to the harsh news on tv that Israel will start building a wall on its borders with Lebanon…

I, once wanted to buy a piece of land on that border…

I, once was adored driving for 3 hours to be on that border to watch the other side, to contemplate looking at the beautiful scenery on both sides…to dream...

I, once dreamed of my dream house on that hills...

It gave me hope for a better future...

What will I see now, when I drive all the way to that area…

I will see a wall...

The danger is not the existence of the wall but the meaning of the wall…

Israel wants to limit the sight of its people and the people on the other side…

My dreams and the dreams of thousands will be blocked by the wall…which will make us limited…short-sighted…trapped in the ugliness of reality…

Israelis will be trapped in the box…they have surrounded themselves with walls and their sky is “protected” by the Iron dome…

Concrete wall and Iron is what is making Israelis survive?

Living in a jail is what they want?

But the irony is that they are putting themselves in this prison they call the holy land…

My taxi driver arrived…and asked me to follow him…it was time to go home…

I ejected myself back from your eyes into the taxi…and straight to Erbil International Airport…

To die is the easiest part

To die is the easiest part of life and in life...

It gets tricky when you have to live and the others are dead...

Living becomes a burden...

You have to thank God that you are still alive, others aren't...

You have to keep on remembering those who died so you can have a better life...

You have to hate the ones that caused the death of your people...

If your people did not die...you wouldn't have had the life you were living now...

But is this a real life?

what kind of a life is this, which reminds you of death all the time?

A while ago, they told me in my organization that I have to travel to Baku/Azerbaijan...

Then they came to me and informed me that I am not allowed to enter the Azeri Land...

I was Armenian...They didnt care that I am a Lebanese citizen, holder of a Lebanese passport...

For Azerbaijan I was Armenian, which was more than enough to ban me from entering their country...

Yesterday...I watched a documentary prepared by a Bulgarian journalist entitled "Karabakh's Wounds"...

The journalist spoke of the Armenian Freedom Fighters...she said they can call them aggressors, extremists, but these were young men that saw their people die...

They had no choice but to fight...and most of the time to die also...for their people to be free...

A non-Armenian turned to me and said, so the Azeris feel towards you the same way that we, Lebanese feel towards Israel...

I was a bit shocked...I was expecting something like you Armenians feel towards Azerbaijan the same way the Lebanese feel about Israel...

But again, that person is a Muslim...maybe he sympathized with Muslim Azerbaijan more than with Human being Armenian..

The same way that Holocaust Israel is an ally of Oil-Producer Azerbaijan rather than being an ally of Genocide Armenia....both nations that have endured massive killing...ethnic cleansing

When you think things are easy to understand, you discover they are far more complex...

You try to understand the other...But there is always someone to remind you...

You owe your life to the Heroes who died for you...

Building LEGO models builds your soul

When you are confused...life is not easy...

When you have choices and you know what to choose...life is easy...

Lasagna or Seafood linguini...of course the seafood

Red wine or white wine...of course red wine

Tennis or Ballet...of course tennis

Work or housewife...of course work

Paris or London...of course London

Horror movie or light comedy movie...of course light comedy

 Straight or gay...of course the most fun option which gives you more options...

And here you go with the confusion...Did you understand what was the answer?

What happened why there was confusion, where did that very assertive, confident person go..

But look closer again, what is confusion or was it a decision to defy monotony?

So we come to the conclusion that easy is not always a synonym to fun and happy

Sometimes when you are confused you try harder to see in between lines and get to explore deeper layers for answers, a process that is fun and delightful because you experience so many different things before you come up with a straight answer to a choice...

It is all about building...Have you ever experienced the joy of building something, anything?

It is fascinating to see how things are built...Go now buy a LEGO game...

They are not for kids at all...once you start building the model...you feel beautiful things...great sensations...

Building is a therapy...for a permanent smile on your face...and for bringing happiness around you...

While you are building...it is your soul that your building